Elwood Scott
Author
Podcaster
Newsletter Writer
#2 August 2023
Hey There
Greetings from sunny (but still chilly) downtown Melbourne.
As you’re clearly someone who is interested and discerning enough to subscribe to this newsletter, you might be familiar with the running joke in Colin Calls the Help Desk, where every time Colin goes for coffee, they get his name wrong. What you don’t know, is that this joke is actually based on the real-life experiences of my friend Colin (not a koala).
Colin seems like a pretty simple name to me, but he has had everything from – Cola, Kanen, Carbon, Steven, through to Colia (what?).
No-one is sure exactly when it started happening, only that it’s become increasingly amusing to everyone.
Well, everyone except Colin.
He has become disproportionately annoyed by it. Which of course we all find hilarious (and I know that in spite of what he keeps saying, he’s thrilled that it turns up in Colin Calls the Help Desk).
But why am I telling you this, you ask?
Because Colin just texted me to meet him for coffee. Which give me a perfect excuse to procrastinate about writing this newsletter, AND I might also pick up something amusing to write about (#meta).
So… I’ve just come back. Let me tell you what happened.
I arrived at the cafe and before I could even say hello, Colin pushed his coffee cup in my face. There, written neatly in block letters in black on the lid, next to the complimentary piece of homemade shortbread, was one word:
COLIN
Colin!
He was so amazed, he’d asked if he could have the order slip with his name on it to keep (I’m not sure why).
Anyway, I’d arrived just in time to hear Colin decline the newly printed receipt the waitress was offering, while maniacally pointing at the pile of small pieces of paper impaled on a metal spike next to the coffee machine.
She gave up, and said she needed to check with the manager if that was allowed, which triggered a loud annoyed huff from the customer behind us.
While I tried not to laugh, Colin balanced his coffee on the edge of the counter, leant over, snatched the order slip off the spike… and knocked over his cup on the way back.
A brief argument ensued between Colin, the waitress, and the Manager. Apologies were made, spilt coffee was mopped up with paper towel, and Colin kept the tiny slip of paper with his name on it.
So anyway, long story short; I found something to write about in this newsletter, Colin got his order slip; and we can’t go to that coffee shop any more.
If this story has a moral, I guess it would be: If you have something to do, put it off and go for a coffee.
Bonus Content!
For new subscribers – I work in cybersecurity, so I like to take the opportunity to spread a little bit of info to help keep people safe online.
This month – Scam Calls
Scam calls are pretty rampant in Australia. My solution?
Never answer the phone.
However, this can draw the annoyance of friends and family. So if you are one of those ‘phone-answering’ types, here’s my top tip: If you receive a call from someone asking for personal information, even if they already have some, politely ask for their name, and hang up. Then look up the company’s phone number on their website and call them. If it was a legitimate call, you’ll eventually get through to the person who called you.
If it wasn’t; congratulations! You just saved yourself from being scammed!
Sure, yes, with this tip you’ll be on hold for a while, but you’ll be on hold for less time than it takes to cancel your credit card and argue with the bank about why those adult entertainment purchases on your credit card aren’t yours.
Well, I think that about wraps it up for issue two, because I need to procrastinate about doing some research for the next episode of What’s My Age Again?
Cheers till next time
Elwood
Elwood Scott 