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Elwood Scott

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#7 January 2024

Hey There

Greetings from sunny, well it was sunny a minute ago, downtown Melbourne.

Last week, I did what most of us do on January 1st. I looked in the mirror and asked – “Who am I?”

Not in a ‘I’m still recovering from a very big New Year’s Eve party’ way (well not only because of that). It’s a question I think we all ask ourselves to some extent as we enter a new year. 

For me, the process of planning for the following year usually begins mid-December, when I begin preparing my New Year Resolution list by cataloguing the things about myself that I’m not happy with. I take these and work towards the eventual goal of publicly declaring that I’m resolving to fix everything I don’t like, all at once, and create a healthier, more sober, less cynical, and all-round better version of Elwood Scott.

Starting tomorrow.

Then at 12:09, after the fireworks are done, we all have the Big Reveal. We collectively ask – “What’s your New Year’s resolution?” and everyone who hasn’t done their homework provides the same generic answers as they did last year, and the year before to:

  • Read more.
  • Exercise.
  • Stop stealing my neighbour’s underwear.
  • Make healthier food choices.

Then on January 2nd, we all begin googling – ‘How long do I need to stick to my New Year’s Resolutions?’ and eat another pavlova.

Anyway, for this year, I got to wondering, why is it we tend to identify something major to fix or improve so we can make ourselves ‘better’?

“I haven’t read a book since 1994, but I resolve to read 14 books this year.”
“I don’t know the difference between your and you’re… I’m going to learn a 3 new languages!”
“I’m tired of getting arrested, so I’m going to convert one of my hobbies into a onlyfans page side-hustle.”
and mine…

“I run 5 kms most weeks, so I’m going to run a marathon in 2024.”

Now, at the moment 5 kms is less than I used to do, but it fits in with my schedule, keeps me reasonably healthy and I enjoy(ish) it. However, I know that I won’t enjoy running a marathon. Or the training. Or the time it is going to take.

So I thought – If I enjoy running, if that’s something that’s working for me, why mess with it?
I can resolve to just keep running 5 kms most weeks, in 2024, can’t I?

Apparently, no. No I can’t.

My friend Belinda’s partner (who I’ll call Richard – because he’s a dick), insisted that I wasn’t allowed to have a New Year’s Resolution like that because it was against the rules.

How can I not be allowed to choose my own resolution?

Who invented that rule?

So I figured – I’m a writer. I’ll make up my own rules. And here they are for your viewing and listening pleasure:

  1. Don’t only focus on things to change, pay attention to the stuff that makes you happy, and resolve to keep doing it.
  2. If you’re starting something, it needs to be offset by stopping something else (no-one has an overabundance of free time to fill). For example, I run less at the moment because I’ve swapped it out for drinking writing. BTW, keep an eye out for Colin Calls the Help Desk 2 – Revenge of the Printer (working title, open to suggestions) in February.
  3. If you do want to change something, you don’t have to save it for January first. You can do it anytime.
  4. You’ll definitely, absolutely, screw it up. You’ll break the diet, not go to the gym, accidently poison your friend’s partner. The key is to know that you’ll screw up, so when you do, you write it off as a glitch and keep going, not throw out the entire program.
  5. Don’t be bound by other people’s rules (or by other people for that matter – unless you agree a safe word beforehand).

Bonus Content!

For new subscribers – I work in cybersecurity, so I like to take the opportunity to spread a little bit of info to help keep people safe online.

This month – Identity Theft

One of the unfortunate things about giving your personal information to a company, is that you have to trust them to keep it safe. With data breaches (company’s being hacked and their data stolen) occurring at the rate of about one every two hours, 24 hours a day, 365(6) days a year, there’s a lot of personal information out there for sale.

A common occurrence is for a morally ambiguous individual to use that stolen information to apply for a credit card. 

If you’re asking – ‘How can they do that? I needed to provide my DNA results and a report from Ancestry.com last time I tried to get credit.’ – Good question.

The bank does need to check the identity information that’s given to them, but they can only verify that it’s true. Not whether the person who is presenting it is supposed to have it. So if it checks out, the card gets approved.

Obviously, the real person doesn’t know they are now in significant debt, until the bank contacts them to enquire why they haven’t been making any payments. 

This is why it’s a good idea to keep the personal information you give away to a minimum, and be judgmental about who you give it to.

And if a company tells you that your information has been stolen in a data breach, make sure you monitor your credit rating.

Okay, that was all a bit heavy, so here’s a picture of Captain Chaos protecting me from a Nespresso bag.

Well, I think that about wraps it up for Issue 7, thanks for tuning in.

Keep doing what you enjoy doing, change what you want to change, and if your name is Belinda, stop dating Richard.

Happy New Year and cheers till next month

Elwood