Elwood Scott
Author
Podcaster
Newsletter Writer
#5 November 2023
Hey There
Greetings from ‘SUNS OUT GUNS OUT’ downtown Melbourne.
This month, I want to tell you about a someone I met recently. Partially because it was amazing, and partially to give you a ‘behind the scenes’ of how I came up with the personality of the new HR Manager in Book 2 of Colin Calls the Help Desk (out Jan 2023).
So, I’m at networking drinks event (don’t judge me, it’s free booze and you sometimes make good connections) and I got talking to this guy. I’ll call him Brad (because I know a Brad, who is also a massive self-centred tool).
But I’m getting ahead of myself.
Four of us were chatting, Brad was walking past and decided to join in. That’s cool. It’s a networking event. That’s why we’re here. We welcomed him in, he made a couple of interesting points, and when the conversation petered out, I mentioned that we all had empty wine glasses.
Brad nodded and declared, “I’m going to get a bottle.”
Five minutes later, Brad returned with a single glass of wine for himself, complaining that they wouldn’t give him a whole bottle.
“Yeah,” I agreed. “It’s annoying how at these things they won’t give you more than one drink at a time.”
Brad took a sip of his wine and said, “Oh? Won’t they?”
And that was when this networking event went from good to great.
During the subsequent conversation, Brad ventured to the bar two more times. Both times returning with only a drink for himself (despite the fact that they were free, and I had discovered that they would give you more than one at a time when I got him one, the time I went to the bar).
Now, at this point, you’re probably thinking – What possessed you to continue a conversation with him through three glasses of low to mid range wine?
I wasn’t going to, but I stayed because it turned out he had a strong conviction about something.
That birds… are not real*.
Nope. Not a typo.
I don’t even know how we got onto it. To save you damaging your Google search algorithm, I’ll tell you that he believes in a conspiracy theory that birds are not real, and have been replaced by spy drones.
Because I work in cybersecurity, I know that there are many ways people (government or otherwise) can spy on others. And I pointed out to him that they are much simpler (and cleaner) than a nationwide avian genocide.
Okay, in my defence, initially the conversation was pretty amusing, and I spent time mentally writing a scene for Colin Calls the Help Desk 2 (working title, I’m open to suggestions) where Colin points out to Graham that laughing directly in the face of the HR Manager could have a potential impact on his end of year rating. But mostly, I was waiting for the opportunity to raise the one question I’ve always wanted to ask regarding any large scale conspiracy. To uncover the deep underlying purpose behind duping millions, maybe billions, of people.
I steadied myself and asked, “Why?”
Brad replied without hesitation. “I don’t know.”
At this point, one of Brad’s co-conspirators dropped into the seat next to him. He didn’t introduce himself, so I’m going to call him Adrian; because I know an Adrian who is also a massive douche-canoe.
“Maybe open your eyes, it’s obvious,” he snorted, then added. “If your (sic) not stupid.” (I’ve used your there rather than the correct spelling, because I feel like that’s how Adrian said it).
Now, don’t get me wrong. I believe everyone has the right to have their own opinions or beliefs, as long as it’s not one that attacks, marginalises or belittles others; and they’re not trying to force me to accept it. If you want to believe that all the birds have been replaced by robots; fill your boots.
Unless you’re a total knob-head who believes birds aren’t real and thinks it’s okay to tell people they are “a weak-minded, stupid sheep”.
I weighed up the pros and cons of simply bopping him on the head with a bottle, but remembered I couldn’t get one. Instead I took the moral high-ground and said goodbye; without pointing out that either ‘weak-minded’ or ‘stupid’ in his sentence was redundant. *Or mentioning that their precious movement was a joke. Not as in ‘it’s funny’, it is literally a joke.
But they were both ‘too smart’ to question it.
So what is the moral of this month’s Newsletter?
Network drinks events are awesome!
(*Important note – if you have young children, animals or plants, probably best to organise someone to look after them).
Bonus Content!
For new subscribers – I work in cybersecurity, so I like to take the opportunity to spread a little bit of info to help keep people safe online.
This Month – Spying
In case you’re not convinced on the birds thing, I thought it might be fun to talk about the ways people can actually spy on us.
Firstly, your computer webcam. I don’t have the space to go into it here, but there are several ways that people hack into webcams. Often using a virus accidently downloaded from that torrenting website (make sure you have anti-virus!). The simplest way to make sure no-one is peeking on you, close the cover on your webcam when you’re not using it. If your webcam doesn’t have a cover, stick a piece of tape over it. Important! (and I mention this because someone once proudly showed me they had taped over their camera. Unfortunately they had used clear sticky tape). Use masking tape, or a post-it note. Sticky tape doesn’t do anything, even if you do use four layers, except make it look to the spyer like you living in a TV soap opera.
The other common way to spy is through an internet connected camera. You know, the one your in-laws use to keep an eye on Mr Muffins when they’re out at dinner? Or that Google CCTV camera keeping an eye on your neighbour’s car in the driveway. Anything connected to the internet is up for grabs. And there’s programs that do nothing but scan the internet for these devices.
But there is good news if you have one
Unless you’ve made yourself a target by actually uncovering a global conspiracy, the main reason people can access these devices is because they all have the same default password.
Take the time to change the default password on anything you have that is connected to the internet (and check Issue 4 for how to make a strong password.
Well, I think that about wraps it up for Issue 5, there’s a magpie that’s been loitering outside my window who looks dodgy.
Cheers till next time
Elwood
Elwood Scott 