This is a section I had to cut from the story that takes place in the workshop to talk about the How You Doin’ Annual Culture Survey results. It wasn’t cut because there’s anything wrong with it necessarily, it just added too many extra characters in a story that already had a lot going on. I think it’s still a good scene.

The context is; Colin, Graham and a new character – Matt the Intern are in the Survey meeting and they have just called a break. It’s a hybrid meeting, so there are some people on the screen.

I hope you enjoy it (remember, it’s like the deleted scenes on a Blu-ray. It hasn’t had the same level of polish and editing as the final cut).

#

“Let’s take a ten minute break,” Arthur says and strides into the corridor.
Colin swings his legs back and forth and watches the people on the TV. Most of the screens are empty. A few of the images bounce along hallways and past bedrooms, as people walk with their computer. Most eventually drop it onto a kitchen bench providing a view of their lounge room, or a coffee maker.

“Coffee?” Graham appears next to him holding his re-useable coffee cup that reads: ‘Seriously. I don’t care. Just leave me alone’.

“I don’t know if we’ve got time,” Colin checks his watch. “Arthur said ten minutes. Besides,” he points to the TV. “I don’t want to miss the next episode of House Tours,” he giggles and focuses on the one of the screens. “Look at this magnificent kitchen layout,” he says in a deep voice, pretending to be a television presenter. “Oh and we’re moving.”

The screen bounces up and down slightly as the camera moves along the hallway.
“We exit the kitchen through a spacious lounge and dining area, past these picturesque artworks into the master bedroom—”

“Could’ve made the bed.” Graham notes.

“And we caught a brief glimpse of the spacious walk-in wardrobe on the left. Ah yes, we’re getting a good view of the en-suite bathroom area now. Of course, two sinks, a separate shower and bath, and what a fine toilet that… what’s happening? oh… Oh! Oh no!” Colin throws his paws over his eyes, and hears a woman scream behind him.

“Oh my god!” A man calls out.

When the resulting hub-bub dies down, Colin slowly lowers his paws and peeks. The screen is black and reads: Adrian has left the meeting…

“Holy shit,” Matt the Intern gulps.

“Literally,” grimaces Graham.

“Coffee sounds good,” Colin gulps and pushes himself down from the chair.

#

“I’m looking forward to the next part of the meeting,” Colin says after they’ve ordered their coffee. “I hope it doesn’t take too long. I don’t want to miss hearing how we can be more engaged and motivated.”

Graham smirks. “I think the only way you could be more engaged to this company was if you were married to it.”

“I got it all!” a young woman says loudly to the others in her group.

“Look at those kids,” Graham says looking at the group doubled over laughing. “Bet their not worried about surveys.”

“They’re the other Interns from work,” Matt says. “The one with the phone is Mia”
Graham squints. “Oh yeah,” he says. “And there’s the one who set the photocopier on fire three times.”

Colin holds his paw up to show four.

Really?” Graham scratches his chin and mouths. “Four?”

“Play it again!” The firebug cackles.

“I wonder what they’re watching,” Colin says. “It must be pretty funny. Probably a Tik Tok.”

“I’m pretty sure Dave works with him,” she says loudly. “What sort of dufus takes their computer to the toilet?” They all laugh again. “I’ll put it in the Intern group chat.”

Colin listens as the Interns watch it again, and hears ‘oh my god!’ burst from the phone’s speaker.

“Well, that’s disappointing.” Colin folds his arms. “That’s not good teamwork at all,” he says. “I’m going to go talk to them.”

“Uh oh,” Graham nudges Colin. “The Suits are here,” he says as a man and a woman in suits walk in. “That’s Tina and Todd from Senior Management.”

Colin stops and looks around nervously. “Gosh. I hope we’re not going to get in trouble for being here.”

“Why would we be in trouble?” Graham leans over the counter to the barista. “How’s those coffees going mate?”

“Because we’re here instead of working,” Colin says and rubs his hands together nervously.

“So are they,” Graham replies.

Colin stops rubbing and thinks on that for a moment. “Oh. Yeah,” he says and relaxes.
Todd and Tina walk straight past the six people waiting in line, and order their coffees.
Colin feels that seems a little rude, and secretly hopes the barista makes them go to the back of the line, but he quickly gets to work on their order.

“Hmpf.” Colin folds his arms. “Well that doesn’t match our values at all,” he says and watches Tina walk over to the Interns and and ask why they are laughing. He sees Mia sheepishly hand her phone to Tina. After a few moments he hears the “Oh my god!” cry again.

Colin tries to see Tina’s response, but she is facing away from him. There is a brief exchange between Tina and the Interns before she steps over to Todd and plays it for him. After they watch it a second time, the pair motion, and the Interns slink over to them.

“Did I hear you say you were going to put this in a group chat?” Tina scowls at them.
The Interns bow their heads sheepishly and mumble something that Colin can’t hear.

“Coffee for Graham, Coffee for Caylen,” the barista calls.

Graham nudges him. “Oh. Thanks. Coffee for Colin?” Colin asks.

The barista looks at the docket. “Says Caylen. Cappuccino, extra chocolate.”

Colin sighs and takes the cup.

“Todd, Tina. Your coffees.” The barista pushes their cups forward.

“Let’s get out of here so we don’t get stuck in the lift with dumb and dumber,” Graham says opening the door.

“I hope they don’t get in too much trouble,” Colin says to Matt as the walk back to the office. “Even though it is the wrong thing to do, they’re only youngsters. They need to learn.”

“Oh, I’m sure they’ll learn something,” Graham laughs and takes a sip of coffee.

“I’m a little concerned if I’m honest,” Colin says, looking back towards the coffee shop. “I didn’t think Senior Management would push in like that.”

“Of course they do.” Graham sees them come out onto the street laughing. He pushes the crossing button rapidly to hurry it along.

“Now all us Interns will be in trouble.” Matt frowns as they start to walk across the road. “After the last photocopier incident, Todd crushed all our phones to teach us a lesson.”

Colin stops in the middle of the road. “They did what?”

“Yeah, it happens all the time. They’ll probably make us delete all our photos or something.” He grabs his phone and begins copying photos to the cloud.

Colin start moving again and walks up towards the building entrance. He looks up at the heritage frontage, and admires the amazing brickwork, created painstakingly by skilled craftsmen over a hundred and fifty years ago. He runs his claws along the rough surface. The warmth that has been retained in the wall from the sun travels onto his paw and he imagines the bricklayers and labourers, sweating day after day to construct such a beautiful building

His paw bounces off the end of the last warm brick and onto the new aluminium facade just inside the door. It’s so cold he jumps back and almost spills his coffee.
“You good there little buddy?” Graham asks concerned.

They walk up to the entry gates and Colin swipes his pass. Before he can step through, a stocky man in a suit rushes through the open gate from the other side and pushes past him.

“Uh, an excuse me?” Colin says to the back of the man.

“You’re excused,” the man says off-handedly. “Tina! Todd!” he calls. “Where’s my coffee you cheap bastards?”

“Another one of the brains-trust,” Graham nods towards them. He quickly pushes the button for the lift several times again. “Come on, hurry up.” He pushes it again.

When the doors finally open, Graham jumps in and rapidly. Presses Close.

Colin leans back against the elevator wall. “Surely they mustn’t have noticed the other people there,” Colin sees Todd and Tina heading towards the lift.

Graham keeps pressing Close. “The last thing you want is to be stuck in a confined space with those two,” he says stabbing the button until the doors begin to close.
Just as the doors meet in the middle, they open again, and Tina and Todd step in.

“Hold the lift!”

“Hey, it’s Bob!” Colin says and waves.

“Hold the lift,” Bob calls again.

Todd and Tina sip their coffee. Colin moves to press the button, but Bob slips in as the doors close.

“Just made it,” he puffs, and dusts the donut sugar off the front of his jacket.

“Keeping busy?” Todd looks at him.

“Oh hi Todd,” Bob says. “Yes, we’re working on the survey results.”

“Yes,” Colin jumps in. “We’re just about to hear the results.” He bounces up and down.

It’s very exciting.”

Todd points upwards. “Is that the meeting from before that the person took their computer to the—”

“Yes,” Colin nods slowly. “I saw you talking to those poor kids who were going to put it in their group chat.”

“Absolutely inappropriate,” Todd snaps.

“Completely,” Tina agrees.

“Yes,” says Colin. “But,” he shrugs as the doors open and they step out. “Kids these days.”

“Exactly,” Todd says and points to the ceiling. “No long term vision. No big picture thinking. A group chat is no place for that.”

“What did I miss?” asks Bob.

“That belongs on the intranet,” Tina laughs. “What not to do in a meeting.” She looks down at her phone. “Got it,” she says to Todd and quickly forwards it to the IT team.
The doors open and Colin, Graham and Bob exit as Todd and Tina play the video again.

“I’m beginning to question how committed this company is to improving employee engagement and motivation.” Colin frowns as they walk back to the meeting room.

So there you go. A bit of Subscriber’s only benefit. I hope you enjoyed it, and get ready for Colin to be back soon!